Rumination is a tendency to dwell on our problems and difficulties. Our thinking feels like a tire spinning in mud. We beat ourselves up over a past event, become preoccupied with a stupid thing said. It is normal to ruminate every so often. It can even be helpful if the rumination leads to problem solving. But if one is stuck in a loop of negative thoughts it leads to distress.

If you keep tormenting yourself with the questions: “Why does this always happen to me? What is wrong with me? What did I do deserve this? When will I ever learn? What if this never changes? What if there is no hope?” You are in danger of being stuck in a hurtful loop. This loop causes distress, diminishes one’s esteem, and can lead to depression.

The Benefits of Rumination
Many people claim it is necessary to ruminate to look for the causes and consequences; they claim it is the only way to know the way out of a bad situation. There is a benefit from some rumination. Spending the time ruminating about an issue provides the opportunity to explore a situation, consider how important this is to oneself. But at the point that rumination feels stuck or the negative self talk of “What a loser I am!”  the benefits of rumination fade. If rumination though leads one to consider “How do I solve this? How can I make this better?” that is helpful.

How to Break the Habit
There is a difference between productive worry (problem-solving) and non-productive worry (rumination). The trick is being able to lead one’s thinking into the productive zone and out the deep weeds of being lost in worry — rumination. The first step to moving towards productive worry is to begin to challenge one’s thinking. Many people feel their thoughts “just happen,” we are prisoners to our thoughts which seem to mysteriously appear from the mist of our minds. But this is inaccurate.

Take Control of One’s Thinking
We control our thoughts. Not all of them, there will always be those stray thoughts of insecurity (or grandiosity for some). But the goal is to be self aware of our thoughts and begin to question, explore, and then support or reject those thoughts. The first step is to take responsibility for the thoughts in one’s head rather than feel a prisoner to one’s thoughts. To do this we must first identify and acknowledge the distortion in our thoughts.

Evaluate
The next step is to evaluate the thinking. Is this a new thought or one you have often? Is there evidence to support this thought. (For example: “I am such a loser!” What evidence do you have that you are a loser. What evidence do you have that you are not a loser.) You must list real evidence, not more thoughts you think are evidence. This process can be tough if you have been merciless in your critical self thinking. A trusted friend, clergy, or therapist can be helpful to talk to for some objectivity during this process.

Solutions
With a more accurate sense of the situation it is time to explore solutions to the problem. Nothing improves self esteem better than to successfully implement a solution to a problem. Even if the first attempts at solutions were not successful, trying to make a change rather than stay stuck in a pattern of negative thinking feels better. Action feels better than rumination.