You feel stuck in your grief, like wheels spinning mud but only seem to be sinking deeper and deeper in despair.

You may hate to fall asleep at night because you hate that moment when you awake to realize all over again who you have lost. You may love to fall asleep with the hope to dream of your lost loved one.

At first people tried to be sensitive about your loss but now they are telling you it is time to move on, get over the pain. And you only feel like you just came out of the shock of loss, right in to the deep of pain. But the world moved on while time stands still for you. Frozen in grief.

There is no point to living anymore without the one you lost. Considering your own death, perhaps even how to hasten it.

You may feel great pain over a loss others consider insignificant. It was “just” a dog, get over it already. It was your ex-wife from years ago, why are you feeling anything now? What is wrong with you that you feel so badly about your co-worker dying, it’s not like he was in your real life or anything.

You may feel judged that you have not “snapped back” to yourself. Grief is so individual as well as varied that no one can really know what another experiences. Contrary to popular belief there are no set stages of grief, no linear process to grieve. There is no “right” way to grieve. Each person grieves each loss in life differently.

Goals of grief and loss counseling

The first goal of grief and loss counseling is to allow you to explore your feelings at your pace with no judgment. Through the pain of this exploration gradually you will begin to recreate a life, still connected to the one you lost, but able to integrate the loss into living your life again.

Grief and loss counseling does not make you feel your old normal self again. Most people report that they never feel normal again after a significant loss. You learn from the loss, keep a connection to the one you lost. The pain of the loss fades in and out, but you do engage in your life again. Many report a new found independence in this process of self-discovery. Many report finding meaning out of something once so painful and meaningless.

Grief work is not easy but if you feel stuck in your grief an experienced grief counselor will assess where and how you feel stuck. Through talking and tasks, a counselor will navigate with you, your individual process. The pain from the loss may never be entirely gone but you will rebuild your life so happiness and joy will be enjoyed again. Purpose and hope experienced again.

Not all grief is the same

There are many types of losses and grief. The death of a child is experienced much differently than the death of a great-grandparent. Therapists label some grief as “normal” and other “complicated.” It is common for people to reach out for counseling in complicated grief.

There may have been a string of recent deaths and your resilience is now stretched too thin. Your loss may have been sudden, traumatic or violent. Your loss may be so significant, your world so shaken that you need a little help getting back on track. You may have recently relocated and not living near close friends or family to talk to about losses. Whatever the reason, grief and loss is a common reason to seek counseling. We all experience loss and grief. At times so acutely, it is normal and accepted to reach out for help.

Tasks in grief and loss counseling

In grief and loss counseling the type of loss, the type of grief, your history of losses and resilience skills are assessed. Your pain is explored and acknowledged. Resilience skills are practiced and strengthened.

You may be experiencing a very difficult loss, not part of the typical fabric of life experience. Or you may not have anyone in your life comfortable with listening to your feelings about death, pain and loss. Our modern culture is very uncomfortable with death. It is not unusual to have no one to talk to about loss at the level you need to talk. And talking, talking, talking about your loved one is part of the grieving process. You may find grief and loss counseling helpful for a safe place to say anything.

You may be interested in trying counseling but have some doubts about grief and loss counseling.

It is not going to bring them back, why bother with counseling?

It is true that nothing is bringing back the one you lost. But grief and loss counseling allows you the space to experience the feelings around the loss and begin to explore recreating your life. Counseling is about bringing you back to life.

I do not want to sit around and talk about my feelings. I feel them too much anyway.

Talk therapy is not the only grief and loss counseling method. Many people feel better by engaging in meaningful projects. It may be through art, construction, writing, service to other people, or other strategies. Working together in counseling sessions we will explore methods beneficial for you.

I am not crazy; I do not need to see a counselor.

Yes, grief is not a mental illness. It is a normal reaction to loss. Grief can sometimes make us feel crazy, that is very normal. But it can be helpful to talk with an experienced grief and loss counselor who knows how to listen and when to guide and support changes to your thinking so that you do not feel stuck.

My work as a grief and loss counselor

My years of experience working in hospice and medical clinics, I daily practiced grief and loss counseling. I have also counseled people who experienced other losses such as family members including child custody, friends, and employment due to addiction. I have also counseled people who experienced other losses such as: child custody battles, lost friendships, and employment losses. Through listening to your pain I will assist you to re-discover your strengths and resilience. I am familiar with hundreds of people’s experiences with grief. I will share my knowledge of common patterns to help you find your unique way through grief.

For more information about working through grief download my free article, “The Four Tasks of Grieving.” Or call to begin to work through your grief.